October 8, 2007
See esp. 3, 18-21, 23, 35-55.
1. Have you ever thought about getting your nipples pierced?
Once upon a time in Scotty's Motor Lodge.
2. Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
With reason.
3. Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
After. And I keep the temperature cold. Real cold. I never fondled the knobs trying to find that perfect, faggy temperature.
4. Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
Only with another.
5. Have you had more than 20 boyfriends/girlfriends?
In the same room with a camera crew.
6. Where do you put your towel after taking a shower?
Such insolence. You will be purged of sin.
7. What color is your shower curtain?
Black and neon.
8. Have you ever had stitches?
Only a few.
9. How long ago did you hug someone?
Forever. But it hurt too much to stay around.
10. Did you believe that girls/boys had cooties?
Social diseases aren't a laughing manner.
11.Do you know how to use chop sticks?
As cue sticks!
12. Can you finish the phrase, "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea with his parents?
13. Do you sometimes believe that guys have PMS?
Guys have egos.
14. Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
We lived together.
15. Have you ever run over an animal?
Only an ex-lover. He had pull.
16. Do you think its right for straight guys/girls to get their tongue pierced?
Blasphemy.
17. Where's your favorite place to be in your house?
Under the sink. Curled up in a ball.
18. What's your ALL time favorite song?
"Break My Stride" by Matthew Wilder. Rod Stewart's "Downtown Train" comes a CLOSE second.
19. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
I mix them together with paint thinner.
20. Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
I've thrown shoes at shoppers.
21. DO YOU TALK IN YOUR SLEEP??
No. I tell secrets.
22. Do you snore?
Never alone.
23. Have you ever thought about being a model?
I'm too thin.
24. Are you a redneck?
Until I die.
25. Do you dye your eyebrows?
Die. Not dye.
26. Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?
Bites on the face.
27. What are you afraid of?
Women in positions of power who speak good French.
28. What does the 10th text message in your inbox say?
Something banal.
29. What does the 10th text message in your outbox say?
Ibid.
30. Do you sing in the shower?
I multi-task. It's my home office.
31. When your radio doesn't work, do you hit it?
No.
32. Where is your brother right now?
My secret brother is not so secret anymore.
33. Last place you kissed someone?
In the cooch.
34. What is your sister's name
Sweetie.
35. Freespace
You mealy-mouthed toad. Couldn't you remember the question!?
36. What kind of phone do you have?
A big, heavy one. It operates on burning wood. And dreams. And starlight.
37. What color is your bedroom floor/carpet?
The color of my love.
38. Do you have a chair in your room?
No, thank you; I prefer to stand.
39. What are you doing tomorrow?
New things that would only make you jealous.
40. Do you get along with your parents?
We're grand.
41. Favorite band?
Japanese Night Gowns.
42. Do you play an instrument?
The gum-tree leaf.
43. Left tit or right?
Right. No, your other right.
44. How many credit cards do you have?
Those will cost you.
45. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
You must be joking. Teachers are like douche. Draw your own conclusions.
46. What's your favorite color?
The color of my hate.
47. What does your mom call you?
Noodle.
48. What does your hair look like right now?
Grace Jones.
49. What have you eaten today?
Black beans and Slo-gin.
50. What are you looking forward to?
Bad teeth. Saddle bags.
51. Favorite dance?
The Frog Dance
52. Any piercings?
Only holes.
53. Hometown?
Port Salut
54: Where did all the missing numbers go?
I filled them in for you, miscreant.
55. Have you ever thought you were going to marry someone you dated?
Yes. Thoughts of divorce soon followed.
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