October 29, 2007
There's something wrong with my arm, my knees, my stomach. And my teeth. The pain in my arm is the worst. It's not a joint, it doesn't seem to be a muscle. Ligament? Tendon? Tendament? The pain is so bad regular pain pills don't touch it, it hurts to lift it and sometimes my whole arm feels numb. It's on the outside, meaning the top part of my arm, the part that sees daylight and between my shoulder and my elbow, but not the joints, like I already said. But it's better during the day. The knee thing I'm used to, I've had problems with my knees since I was in third grade. The stomach, that's all stress and I'm pretty used to that too. It's 5 am and I haven't slept and if you must know, yeah, I'm crying. I quit the job because I was so miserable now I'm so miserable because I don't have a job. Fear controls everything. And so does pms. I wish the fuckers (any of them/all of them) would just take me to court and the whole thing would be over with. YES I FUCKED UP BUT NO I CAN'T PAY YOU BACK. Not ever at the rate this lifetime is going. (I know how stupid this is going to sound in the daylight, once I've had some sleep but fuck it.) And no, I can't go to a doctor because I quit my job and it's hard enough to pay when you have insurance. So much for things changing once I moved. Oh, and school. What the fuck am I supposed to do about that? What's the fucking point? Actually it's not that, there won't be any way to pay for it. I am completely and totally ineligible for more loans...Here comes another merry fucking xmas. Fucking holidays. And what the fuck ever happened to my family? Assholes.
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3 years ago