July 27, 2007
Current mood:
distressed
Why do I have panic attacks every time I go to pittsburgh? When I'm there I can't breathe, but here I come! I can't breathe and I have this noise in my head, cutting off my hearing. I can't focus on anything...it's called a panic attack. (why is my keyboard so loud?!?!)distressedThen i go and get offered a job?!?!? On top of a fucking hill?!?! Come on people, I ain't no midwest girl! I'm a southern girl (southern being Maryland). BUT maybe that's the problem. It's too much like "home." I can never see myself living in Cecil County again but then what is Pittsburgh? It's like Cecil County. Actually it's more like Chester County around Oxford way...very prominent in my childhood. So it's not like going home, it's like going to the doctor. It's like going to Aunt Eva's farm where Junior sits in the chair in the corner watching tv and talking and laughing along to whatever it is that's in his head and the kitchen table is covered in dishes and condiments which are in turn covered in flies and I'm afraid to use the bathroom because it's so disgustingly filthy. Is that what Pittsburgh's like? Maybe, in my mind. It's like one giant Aunt Eva's. A place where the news anchors look like Indiana and I feel like I should be playing Legos in the vestibule of the fire hall (which would be Cecil County)? But here I come.
I don't have to hang out with anyone. It can be like here, like home. Like Philly but different.
And, yeah, I meant to make the colors that gross. Salmon.
Well, bring some legos and hand sanitizer.
Hopefully I will get to see you before you disappear into the hills....
- Reply
4 years agoSnuggles,
Cecil's Finest
- Reply
4 years ago