Aaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh

So.  I have a dj-ing appointment scheduled for December 31-January 1.  Would the kids (mostly meaning people a few years younger than me) like Tony Orlando and Dawn?  I mean, the 8 people, including me.  Would we like "Knock Three Times"?????????



I'm just joshin you!

I know what I'm doing.

Right?

Should I just get drunk and make weird hand gestures from the corner of the room?  Wow.  That just made me laugh out loud.  I like to spell it out for the kids.  LAUGH.  OUT.  LOUD. That would be my ultimate.  To just hang out in the corner and make hand gestures and everyone would get it.

I'd like to have an audience.  I'd also like to have a low-key crowd.  CONTRA. Diction.

This all depends on whether or not my Assange infatuation completely removes me from polite society.  Which I fear it might.  Cos I'm not even comfortable with it. See also the Fanciers Guild.  

My Favorite Memes and What-Not (Video)

I've had this sitting around for over two months and since I'm being really slack about writing (and reading, doing anything creatively productive) I thought I throw it out there. Extra bonus points for me because I'm giving you this on a Friday and if you're like me, you don't work on Friday. You may be at work, but...

Most of  these are really old but I could still watch them all day and never stop loving them.

GI Joe PSAs
See especially: 02, 03 ("Body massage machine. Go!"), 05, 07, 10, 15 and 18
http://www.fenslerfilm.com/PSAS.htm

Remember the Babbies: http://www.somethingawful.com/flash/shmorky/babby.swf

Any Baby Cakes video is amazing but this one especially gets stuck in my head. I like to sing "Shirley Moates" a lot, too. Watch all the Baby Cakes videos here.


I don't know. I just like the song I think. It's catchy.


"Babies born of ibuprofazane" is not the real lyric. Don't forget to breathe.


Watch with the sound off. Still mesmerizing.


This guy is terrifying. Would not want to meet.


Benny Lava.


Sing this song ALL the time. Especially in winter. But really, how the fuck?


And finally, the pièce de résistance, Chuggo, with "C'mon Fuckin' Guy."

Paging Mr Herman

You know how some people say they have "a calling" in life? Those people who from an early age KNOW that they want to be a doctor or a whatever (what do people want to be these days?) and then they FUCKING DO THAT THING? I don't understand that. I'm pretty sure it's just that they've convinced themselves that they're supposed to do that thing and so they do it without thinking about it. I've never felt that I was supposed to do a particular thing. Not even close. I suppose I have at times thought that I was SUPPOSED to be a writer but I usually have to work so I don't actually have much time to focus on that. Not truly focus.

That being said, can we talk about how weird and awesome acceptance is? Let me see if I can explain myself. I'm not talking about accepting others, that's not something I interested in. Other people are dumb and you shouldn't have to accept idiocy. We should all be held to higher intellectual (and pop culture) standards (that includes knowing what a "Flapper" is/was). I'm talking about accepting yourself and the way things are. THAT being said, I don't mean that I am advocating for throwing your hands up and giving up, abandoning all forward progress, or killing yourself. Hmm. Well maybe, in some circumstances I am advocating that you kill yourself because you CAN'T STOP WHINING about how the "WORLD" is fucking you. Ha ha. Ha. Stop talking. Now. You're an adult.

Anyway, I have realized that it's EXTREMELY annoying to whine all the time and have been trying to change myself because I know that I tend to be whiny. (But I was really having trouble trying to figure out how to make tacos last night. I can't cook that simply! If it takes less than four hours I'm lost. There was some LOUD whining in that kitchen.) So I've been slowly shifting my brain into a mode of acceptance. By accepting who I am and how things are I find I am infinitely happier. It works especially well for family relationships. You just go, "eh, fuck those guys," and then you just have a good time when you see them. It also works for hating the town you live in, "eh, fuck this place," and then you just keep on going, knowing that it's not forever. It's a sort of "fake it till you make it" mentality I suppose except less corny. Also, I'm not too concerned with the making it part right now. I'm just doin' me. OMG. Yay!

So don't cry and don't whine, just do this (I think it will help) :


So don't let them bring you down and 
Don't let them fuck you around cuz 
Those are your arms that is your heart and 
No no they can't tear you apart 

Thanksgiving Edition

Tomorrow (today) = 1 YEAR since I quit smoking. Srsly, not one cigarette in 1 yr.

Tuesday B4 Thanksgiving.  There's something about this holiday that makes me want to be drunk 24/7.  (Can I say that?)

Trying to come up with a new blog post but can't figure it.  Want to write about my Kanye affinity but can't find the words for it.

Ever get the feeling you're being watched?  Then wonder why you aren't getting notes?

Had this thought earlier: Secularity = lack of perversion... making usual perversions completely uninteresting and...boring.  But it could just be me b/c I was mocked earlier this evening (paraphrasing): "Nothing's interesting to you, is it?"

No.  I can pretty much imagine it all and then normalize it.  I've had that much psychotherapy in my lifetime.

Went to the library on my lunch break today.  Got two books.  Female Chauvinist Pigs and The Dirt on Clean.

Had to explain to a 75 (?) y.o. man what "LOL!" meant today.

Had a convo yesterday with a close to 75 y.o. about addiction vs. dependency.  Heroin is the only addiction, all others are "dependencies" according to JM.  I inquired about alcohol and he told me how he used to drink a bottle of alcohol a day but he liked to mix it with things like "crystal light."  I wanted to shout "get out of my mind!" but I didn't.  He kept saying that we will go to lunch together next week but we'll see.  I think we have a lot in common.

"You'll be my Frieda Kahlo - I'll be Diego Rivera."

Tell you a secret: I didn't like my Four Loko post.  I thought it could be infinitely better.
Another secret: I've been trying to figure out how to surreptitiously drink Four Loko all day on Thursday.

I also thought it would be funny to tell Hedges that I wanted to buy him a pillow for xmas. A pillow that you can plug your iPod into.  WTF?

Irony.  It's also for me.  As opposed to saying, "It's not just for hipsters anymore."
"Hipsters."  So post.

More excited about hanging out in a Best Western "up the street" from Cecil (Community) College than seeing family.  That's another secret.

It used to be CCC (Cecil Community College).  That's where I got a "D" in "college" level Chemistry when I was in 12th grade.  BTW: in my world everyone is so "post-smart" that they make fun of high schoolers taking "college" level classes.  Then I got in trouble and had to spend half the school day in "study hall."  I don't remember what I got in trouble for, I was just a troubled kid.  Did I tell you about the drug sniffing dogs and the Cavalier?

OMG!  As a "punishment" I had to do nothing for half a day in "study halls" instead of taking "college" courses at the community college!!!  Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?  Do you?  Because I couldn't muster the energy to "care" about high school I was kicked out of "college."  Think about it, Thanksgiving, think about it.

Actually I think it was because I was failing Physics and Trig in high school that I was kicked out of CCC; that and because I preferred to go to Taco Bell in Elkton for lunch with my skater friends...

FOUR LOKO

Everybody's doing it so last night after consuming 3 Gulden Draaks at happy hour, I got it into my head that it was time to try Four Loko. This is what happened.

We left the bar and stopped by Brian and Cooper's to pick up some more libations and there it was, in six different flavors! SIX! And lovingly labeled on the door, "Four Luko $3.99." I found the typo so endearing for some reason. Because I was drunk, I guess. I was gasping excitedly at everything. It was still a good drunk at this point. (Just for the record, I would like to point out that our drinking companion, Mr. Hedges, in honor of the Loko, purchased his own can of Sparks.) I went with the UVA flavor (which is grape) and giddily purchased it from the unamused man behind the register.

We dropped Mr. Hedges off and I realized I couldn't bear to take this gorgeous can of goodness back to our lonely apartment, I needed people to see that I was actually going to drink this. We were in the neighborhood so I grabbed my phone and called Mike. Obviously I was already drunk because I CALLED someone. On the PHONE. I don't call people. Ever. I hate it. He was home so we stopped in and I ceremoniously opened the can. I meant to get pictures and then I got it into my head (because Allen said it) that I should be making a podcast about the experience but none of that happened. I did take notes, longhand:  

I can make sense of all of it until the last two lines, it looks like "(something) Punk comes on the TV and (something something)." These pages mostly contain what I just wrote about up top and apparently some quotes from the conversation that was going on in the room and notes about what was happening on the TV. I commented about drinking Four Loko from a glass makes it taste better, this is a fact. It does indeed "open it up." It tasted like the gel fluoride treatments they used to give kids at the dentist. A quarter of the way in and I was already feeling quite ill. At about the halfway point I was totally gone:

I think it says: I had 3 regular drunks then I had later a four loko.
Oh my god it's fucking awful
(illegible)
She's not gonna understand my sunglasses
Are you wearing gloves?
"It's cold out."
"I should've b(illegible), of the half."
Tell me about things that occurred in history
I don't know any history
Oh it's (illegible - could be November, not her, never her?).
Now this is not good.
I'm going to throw up.
Making that frowning question-mark face apes make.
Aw. This sucks.
Is really awful.
(Illegible) do you (illegible)!
(Illegible) not working

A couple things that I find intriguing here: 1) The comment "She's not gonna understand my sunglasses." There were no other women at the house so I don't know who I thought I was talking about. I did put sunglasses on before I went inside because I was already drunk so, really, I don't understand the sunglasses. Maybe I was referring to myself? 2) I don't recall that anyone was wearing gloves, so, hence the question I guess, and I don't know why I answered the question in quotation marks. Maybe someone was wearing gloves?

I just realized that the history thing was because Allen asked me to talk about history a la Drunk History from Funny or Die. I also just realized that I don't know if I wrote this page while I was still at Mike & Brad's or if I wrote it when I got home. I remember my notebook falling on the floor and Allen asking me if I wanted it shortly before I passed out. Cos that's how this ends, I passed out on the couch. I remember saying that he could leave it on the floor. No, I wrote this before I got home because I remember when it started to go downhill over there, I started to get quiet and then I remember I was making the ape face I commented about.  When I get REAL drunk, like, going to throw up drunk, I get real quiet beforehand, like I'm concentrating on not vom-ing. Which is what I was doing. Shortly after I stopped writing I remember getting up from the couch and saying "let's go" or something to Allen. I still had half a Four Loko left in the can. Sad.

But I didn't throw up. Almost threw up this morning while I was sitting in a room full of strangers doing training for something at work. But I didn't throw up.

Check out these links for more interesting Four Loko stories. I especially enjoyed the live blog Jason Chen wrote for Gizmodo yesterday.
A short piece by Frank Bruni in the NYTs.
The vomit video, sans vomit, of Felix Ortiz. He did 2.5 cans in ONE hour. Gross.

What is Wrong with You? A Glimpse Inside My "Controversial" Mind

"What is wrong with you?" has been my most commonly used phrase recently. Within the past week I've said it to my husband, to my cats, I think it at nearly everyone I know and everyone who crosses my path (especially when they are running red lights).  But seriously, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? How can you be doing and saying such stupid things and still be allowed to live? (Short answer: Because you are animals and there is no rational order to this world.)

I've also had terrible PMS (oh that shit's REAL) for the past couple of days and drank enough whiskey on Sunday night to make myself cry about something that shouldn't have made me cry. Also, I had trouble falling asleep Tuesday night because I was feeling so jealous of people I know and like. It's been a rough and ugly week.

Yesterday my "What's wrong with you?" was directed at weird, dismissive, passive aggressive internet comments and text messages. You know, those "whatevers" or "so whats" or even worse, "deal with its." WHAT THE FUCK?  Which makes my reactionary self say, okay, if that's how we're gonna play this thing then let's do it. I can burn a goddam bridge and not look back. Believe that.

But now I'm going to sound passive aggressive because I can't really talk about it because of other circumstances. Let me just say that I'm trying not to apply labels to what's going on; outside of my head, anyway.

I don't know what it is about me that encourages these kinds of responses from people. Could it be my own dismissive nature? Oh, could it be? (Sarcasm.) But I have a low tolerance for, and very high expectations of, humans. You know what, maybe it is my dismissiveness a lot of the time but that's not it entirely.

And I'm wrong a lot, I can admit that. (I really was convinced that Sonic Youth song wasn't Sonic Youth.) I'm usually not wrong about people, though. And there ARE a lot (well, maybe not A LOT) of people I like and would like to hang out with, but...

What it all boils down to is that I don't trust you. This statement is not directed at any one person in particular but for all humans. I don't trust you and I will never allow myself to get too close to you. Because sooner or later, you are going to hurt me or betray me or tell lies about me. Because that's what humans do. Humans are shit, and to quote Michel Houellebecq, "I derive only the feeblest sense of solidarity with the rest of the human species." And to quote someone closer to me than Houellebecq, "Yes, I do think I'm better than you."

DEAL WITH IT (ha, ha). Or not, your choice.

"I'd prefer not to" and "I want to be alone"

That brings me to my final comments which are about being alone, being lonely and making a choice, consciously or not, to NOT have friends. The not having friends thing is mostly because of what I was saying in the previous paragraph: I don't trust you. Even though you may not be one of the people who have hurt me, I don't trust you. (You might be one of the people who have, who knows?) Also, I just usually prefer to be alone. Life is less annoying that way. I don't have to do things for or with you. I don't have to "lend a hand," unless I want to. I don't feel obliged to attend any events I don't want to attend. I have cultivated this Aloneness and made it into my own personal art form. I am independent, for the most part, of complicated relationships. 

Which is not always a benefit. When I am lonely for companionship I have no where to turn. I don't get to do FUN things for or with you. When I want people to read my blog or listen to something I made or need an audience for some other reason, I'm up a fucking creek. "Good luck, asshole," I say to myself. "Nobody gives a shit about you because you decided to tell them all that you hate them." Then I wallow in self-pity about a situation of my own making until I shrug it off and return to my normal cold and monstrous personality... 

And sometimes people say things like this to me: "I have to go downstairs for a while then I will be back, hopefully to never leave you again." But he only says that because he doesn't know me very well.

I am painfully self-aware.    

"Eurocastle Peanutter Thinks We Should Just Be Friends"

Everyone I listen to keeps putting out mixes with the songs I put on my "mix" that I made for the blog weeks ago so I gotta get this thing posted!

I also gotta start making my own stuff.  

No whammies.  If you want this or a track listing let me know and I'll provide.

I call it "Eurocastle Peanutter Thinks We Should Just Be Friends." 

 BloogMix2

BTW, here's that Kierkegaard quote I mentioned last post:

Faith is precisely the paradox that the single individual as the single individual is higher than the universal, is justified before it, not as inferior to it but as superior -- yet in such a way, please note, that it is the single individual who, after being subordinate as the single individual to the universal, now by means of the universal becomes the single individual who as the single individual is superior, that the single individual as the single individual stands in absolute relation to the absolute.

He follows with, "This position cannot be mediated..."  Obviously. I am not making this up. Verbatim. No homo. 

Todays Word is "Butt"

Today I have "butt" songs on the brain. You're welcome. In other news, is anyone out there a (free) doctor? This thing on my finger is not getting better or going away. We're back to the bit where it likes to just start bleeding whenever it feels like it. Also, my existentialism research is progressing slowly. The source material is giving me flashbacks of a required college course I had to take (redundant) called "Intellectual Heritage" and the writing is just impossible. I don't have it in front of me and can't find it online but remind me to share with you the sentence Kierkegaard wrote about the individual and the universal. It will hurt your head. And then it turned out he was just rambling about Abraham from the bible and my eyes glazed over. I watched a BBC documentary on Heidegger but it was less about his philosophy and moremoremore about how he was a Nazi. BOR-RING!

In internet news, there's this video of the Don Draper character from Mad Men saying "what?" a lot. I guess it was on the special features of the DVDs or something. Now people are mixing that video with other videos as internet people are wont to do.

Here's my favorite so far of the Don Draper says "what?" videos:



Doin' da butt!



MST3K doin' da butt (check it out at 1:50 - or just watch the whole "Yipes Stripes" bit, it's pretty good) :



TTYL! Happy Hump Day!

In Between Days

I swear I am working on 3 or 4 other blog posts, I'm just not making much headway with them. In the meantime, here's a bit of a throwaway.

My toenails came off. Well, part of my toenails on my big toes. It wasn't as dramatic as I thought it would be, it's nothing really. THAT THING on my finger is still there. I was bleeding it for a few days but when I stopped and thought it was all done it still didn't go away. No. Instead it got sore and filled up with blood again. This time I'm leaving it alone. Although I've been thinking of cauterizing it, putting a hot something (paper clip?) on it and trying to destroy it that way. Haven't yet and it seems smaller today so we'll see...

In other gross news there was a pimple on my tummy. I RARELY get pimples anywhere except on my face but recently one appeared on my tummy and it had a head on it so I popped it. One, two weeks later and it's STILL THERE! And it hurts and looks more like a boil now. I mean a "fur uncle." That photo (which I had to remove cos it gets more hits than anything else on this blog) is not of mine but it's eerily similar. I also recently had impetigo on my chin. I won't tell you what I told Allen I thought THAT was from! I am a walking gross factory. I'm blaming it on my imaginary "sugar 'betes."

Thanksgiving's just around the corner and with that comes the usual anxiety about travelling east to see family. It's not the seeing them that causes the anxiety (not my family anyway - Allen's is another story) but the actual travel and sleeping arrangements. Our car is fine for driving around town but I don't trust it much on the highway even though it's never let us down. I would like to get a rental but neither of us has a credit card so that's out. I guess we'll make the trip in the White Knight of Texas again and hope for the best. Also thinking about looking into a hotel/motel room but I can't think of where that would be, North East? Jesus. That's a weird thing to think about (if you're familiar with Cecil County.)

I signed up for a SoundCloud account last night re: "my music career." I haven't put anything up yet because I don't really mix anything, just make playlists so I don't know if it's even appropriate to post such things on there. What I want is one of these things (I would insert an arrow but I can't figure out how to do that on a PC) Look! That picture there! :

Not that I know how to work them or even what they're called, some sort of sampling thing and maybe a mixer of some sort but I don't want to deal in vinyl at all.

I've been "studying" existentialism as of a few days ago and somehow that's related to me going back and looking through old journals to try and decide if I have changed much over the past 15 years. So I pulled out stuff from 1995, 2000 and 2005. Turns out I haven't really changed much with regards to what I write in my "gurnal." A bunch of sad whining about how much of a loner I am and how no one understands me. (Most of the time that's what's in there.) It all began when Allen suggested that Existentialists are just people who never progressed beyond the ennui of teenage-hood. I'm not sure but he may be on to something. I'm trying to prove that Existentialism is more than just stunted emotional/psychological growth which is what I took from his explanation. I was wondering if this lack of change points to a concrete personality or the above mentioned emotional/psychological retardation. I shall keep you abreast of my discoveries.

Randoma-ma-ma: I LOVE the 90s!

Pretend it's a poem or somethin' . . . ☠
Also, my toenails are slowly vacating my big toes. Bummer. ♨.
I am just this side of doing something really creative... I can feel it ⌚.

Electro-synth-church.
Grimehall.
"I don't sympathize, cos you a simple bitch."
G.O.O.D. Fridays
Hobo Humpin Slobo Babe is in here ☟:
Radio Friendly Unit Shifter '09 by Nick Catchdubs
Find the track list here. I love the 90s! There are two other amazing Nick Catchdubs 90s mixes at the SoundCloud site. I LOVE the 90s!!!

Random Update

Currently shuffling the iPod and listening to late era Red Hot Chili Peppers.  "Minor Thing" off of By the Way (2002).  It's the song that has the annoying background noise that sounds like an old school phone ringing.  That's the one we had when I was growing up ➜

Seem to have dodged the overdraft bullet re: my phone bill. Spent too much money last paycheck and got way low on the checking account. Lower than I'm comfortable being. Assumed we were going to "gamble and lose" (that means poo in your pants usually) on the Verizon bill this month but didn't!!!

Watched Sleepaway Camp last night. I was sure it was a movie I'd seen at some point but after watching it I KNOW I've never seen it before. It's CRAYYYYGGGGGGGGEEEEEYYYYY!!! Lots of weird tranny stuff going on and there were some pedophile jokes right at the start. There's an extra long baseball sequence, some body-builder guy with HUGE boobs, the gayest outfit I've ever seen on a straight boy, and a wonderfully foul-mouthed semi-main character. The big deal about this movie is the ending, which you can pretty much figure out early on. The "baldies" pedophile business is really sticking with me for some reason. Oh how times have changes for ladies and their pubic hair. Here's the trailer. See it if you can, it's totally worth it!


Freelance Editing for Profit But Not Much Fun
I've been given this freelance editing gig that I'm supposed to be working on right now but I left the copy I was working from in my office so I decided to do this instead. Yay! Oncology and computers!

GWAR made an abrupt re-entry into my home life last night thanks to my husband. Something about a microwave and a "ribless" ass (his misheard lyric, not mine). How you think you can get away with rhyming "scumdog" with "cum-wad" is beyond me. But it did happen.

Here are some cool {groovy, right on, awesome, far out, peachy keen, cool beans, wicked, aced, terrific, neat, neato, bitchin', nifty, mad, brilliant, fab, bad, hot, cruisin', the max, the cat's pajamas, the bee's knees, great} music videos that have been rattling around in my brain for you kids to check out on your weekends:

"Are you wishing you were ugly like me?"
"Blame it on your father but you know he's dead."

"Being alone's the only way to be."
"I was made to believe there's something wrong with me."

And for those of you who remember 1992:

Interweb: Day 1.4 Quadrillion

New, from Tommy Wiseau, the auteur of the amazing movie The Room, it's The House That Drips Blood On Alex!

The House That Drips Blood On Alex
Tags: Atom.com,Atom Originals,Atom Blog,Upload Videos

And speaking of Alex, check out this Alex who helps us through Stephenie Meyer's Twilight:



Check out his channel on YouTube to catch the rest.

Famous Last Words:



And in other news, the girls from Prussian Blue are now 18.

This THING on My Finger!

It's making me CRAZY!

Look at this:

 It's making me crazy. The other day I went at it with a straight pin. It's been there for MONTHS. Just this little bump. So, like I was saying, the other day I got the idea that maybe if I "popped" it it would go away. It hasn't worked that way.
 

Instead it bleeds. A lot. It's just full of blood.

 It's making me crazy. Did I already say that?

And I'm like, do I keep bleeding it or leave it alone? It's not hurting as bad as it was yesterday. And look, it's so annoying it's even hard to photograph!

 

It Gets Better: A Lunchtime Breakdown

I, apparently, am going to spend half my lunch break crying while watching the following video:



I am so glad that this guy was brave enough to do this, I was literally shaking while I was watching this. I don't understand why being gay or transgender or whatever has to be an issue... What the fuck is wrong with people? I'm pretty upset right now so I don't know if I can be very articulate about this. I have a few personal reasons for why the It Gets Better campaign and this subject affect me so deeply. There are things in my past, reactions on my part, that I've come to realize were completely the opposite of what I would have liked them to have been and I sincerely hope that... Ugh. I don't know how to say what I want to say.

But I also want to say that this is not new, bullying and suicide is not some new phenomenon, just like being gay isn't, and I don't think it's right to say that this is an "epidemic," this has always gone on, it's just that now people are starting to notice it. But if calling it that helps, then I'll go with it. I am so glad that this is getting attention and I hope it turns out to be for the better.

I don't know what to say, I just hope that it does get better for all of us.

Office Space: An IRL Update

I just want to lay on the floor. Here, in my office. Just lay on the floor. It happens every afternoon. It's starting to be funny.

Everyone tells me they want Ed to make "afternoon" coffee. He made "afternoon" coffee for me once, in the morning. That means coffee that has alcohol in it. When he made me "afternoon" coffee he put Hennessey in it. Maybe they're telling me because I am Ed's new keeper so I have pull. I just want a pop. Soda, I mean.

This is the beginning (middle, now) of week 4 at my new assignment. It's one of the better ones. Ed doesn't want me to ever leave. That's very sweet of him. I'm just looking forward to being able to order office supplies.

I'm going to go see if they fixed the soda machines downstairs. They weren't taking dollar dollar bills last week. BRB.

They're fixed. Pepsi Throwback. If it was really a throwback it would be in a glass bottle with a metal cap and a Styrofoam label that you can peel off in strips. It's really hard to find a picture of...all I could find is this dirty Diet Pepsi bottle. That would be my personal version of a Pepsi throwback.

Once again I'm not going to have a Hallowe'en costume ready by Hallowe'en. The pieces I need are harder to come by than I expected. Plus I tend to put things off. That's the real problem. I did buy a mustache, tho.

In other news: I remain infinitely depressed by life and its circumstances. I seem to have given up on running (again), dieting, intuitively eating, and predict that I shall never again have health insurance. I presume I will be found one day, dead of unnatural causes and covered in stink bugs, still in Pittsburgh and still in the same shitty apartment in Squirrel Hill. But by then all of my neighbors will be Chinese. Just thought I'd throw that China bit in there. China is here.

In other (positive TMI) news: My household has gone from drinking 2-6 beers per night per person to 2-4 beers per week per person. Plus 1 to Constitution, Wisdom, Intelligence, etc. Congrats to us!  

A History of the Song "Tainted Love" Using Wikipedia and Other Sources, Part 3

Welcome to the third and final installment on the history of "Tainted Love." This installment will cover the years 2002 to the present.*

Except for this final entry from 2001, which has just become a serious contender for favorite "Tainted Love" cover. It's from Max Raabe and the Palast Orchester. Max Raabe is some lunatic German and he does this old-timey (20s/30s) affectation when he sings. Check this out!



The official video of Prozac+'s cover of "Tainted Love." From 2002. They're Italian "punk rock" or something.

Depending on your tolerance for rockabilly, Danny Dean & the Homewreckers covered also the song in 2002. No video available.

Ok, this cracks me up. I'm not unsure that this band isn't actually covering the Marilyn Manson cover. Night Shift, from 2002. They are from Serbia and did a whole album of covers called Undercovers.



3 from 2003:

The Hormonauts: Italian Psychobilly. What's worse than rockabilly? Psychobilly. Enjoy.



The Go Getters are, of course, rockabilly. This time from Sweden. Yay, 2003!

 

And finally, Static X? Let's Google Static X. Oh, wow, that guy has some dumb-ass hair! Static X? Maybe. It's some kinda of "techno remix" that may or may not be related to Static X. Comparing this to this... Well, maybe. I think I'm gonna be nu metal sick.   

2004 was a little light in the "Tainted Love" covers department. I only found two.  First is Janelle Sadler. This is enough to make you double sick. So after the Static X experiment, I now feel triple sick. I didn't know this would be so painful!

And also from 2004: Thomas Schumacher. That's better. Thank you, Thomas, for "Tainted Schall." This is actually a remix, but I needed it to cleanse my palate after the two previous entries.



And, now ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce... The PUSSYCAT DOLLS!!! From 2005. Jesus. I'm glad I missed this the first time around.



Paul Young, 2006. "Tainted Love" swings.



Milk Inc. 2006. What is up with all these shitty "musicians" covering this song?



*You know what? I can't take it anymore! I just thought this would be a fun research project but it's turned out to be really depressing. It's like every shitty cornball on the planet has covered this song at some point. People are so lame. I've got other posts I want to work on so...
 

ON TO THE NEXT!

A History of the Song "Tainted Love" Using Wikipedia and Other Sources: Part 2

And on to Part 2! "Tainted Love" in the years 1994-2001.

So, David Benoit. 1994. "Jazz Fusion." You have no idea how sad I am that I cannot bring this song to you. All I can give you is a 30-second sampling from over at Amazon.  Enjoy a photo of this genius of smooth jazzzzz:

 

Shades Apart: They released a god damn single of their version of "Tainted Love" in 1995. On their Revelation Records debut, I guess. Is that a CIV shirt? Yes, yes it is. The 90s.

SHADES APART - "Tainted Love" from Revelation Records on Vimeo.

Also in 1995, Deathline International's cover, which is often confused for Skinny Puppy, as you can see, was included on the album Zarathoustra. It's whatever. Who the hell's ever heard of "Deathline International?"

In 1997, German metal band Atrocity covered the song. There are a few videos of them playing the song live but I like the recorded version better. Enjoy this video of some pixelated half-naked ladies:

Also from 1997: The Hi Fives. They had some records on Lookout! if that interests you. It doesn't interest me, but in the spirit of completism, here you are. 

1998: The Country Teasers, a Scottish group as far as I can tell, also covered "Tainted Love." The album the cover appeared on is out of print. I think that's probably for the best. I found a live version that was played on some online radio station but that's the best I could do. It starts at 21:17 and ends at 22:22. Fuck it, it's not worth listening to.

1998: The Living End, live. From Australia. Unbeknownst to me, this band has "gained notable success in the United States and Europe." At least according to Wikipedia. 

1999: My Ruin from LA. There's really nothing to say about this version. It's not even worth making fun of. Instead of looking at a picture of them, check out the Dita video someone made:

Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, the darlings of punk rock covers, not unexpectedly covered "Tainted Love" somewhere around 1999. Here's a homemade video of some kid's favorite skater (I guess this is them, I don't really have a frame of reference here):

Here's a 30-second clip of some Canadians doing it. They're a married couple and they call themselves The Wild Strawberries. Guh. Around 2000.

2000: La Union, Falso Amor.

Some bullshit called Opium Jukebox did multiple "edits" of the song that aren't worth talking about. 2000. I don't even know what this is, it sounds corny.

We'll ignore whatever the C-Nuts are, also from 2000. We're also ignoring samples of the song, sorry, Mark Ruff Ryder.

And, finally, the moment we've all been waiting for! The 2001 Marilyn Manson cover for the movie Not Another Teen Movie! I seriously lament the fact that there is not a clear copy of this video anywhere on the internet. I love this cover and I'll admit I secretly love Marilyn Manson. I used to have all the records. I'm weird. I was watching this video for fun the other night... Oh, and by the way, "Are any of you collar-vearers?" No, lady, but thanks anyway. That's for a handful of you who may or may not be in the audience.

Come back in a day or two for the 3rd and final installment of "A History of the Song 'Tainted Love' Using..."

Tainted Love: Addendum to Part 1

It would seem that Wikipedia is NOT all-inclusive! Shock! Here's a bit of what's missing from Part 1: 1964-1994.

Ruth Swann (not her real name) was some chick from Wigan. She recorded a version of "Tainted Love" in 1975.  It starts out a little rough but it's not bad:



1986: A rockabilly cover by a group called The Boppin' Kids. It's awful. Here they are doing it still in 2008. In Antwerp. They're Sicilian. TMI.

 

Um, Blammo! Blammo! was from Sheffield, England, and recorded a version of "Tainted Love" in 1992.  This Blammo! is NOT this Blammo, who are from Indiana and also do a cover of "Tainted Love." Blammo!

And there are, of course more, versions, but I think this will be enough to get you through.
There's also a "rave" version by something called Tainted Cash from around 1991. You can check that out on your own. It's too gruesome.

A History of the Song "Tainted Love" Using Wikipedia: Part 1

I've decided to do a special series of posts for one of my all-time favorite songs (?): Tainted Love. I didn't know this was one of my all-time favorite songs but since I just wrote that it was, I'm going to go with it. Enjoy.


In the beginning there was Gloria Jones... She recorded the song as a B-side in 1964 and nobody cared.



Then she recorded it again in 1976, after it began getting underground attention, but again, nobody cared. 



Then, in 1981, Soft Cell released their version and it became a number one hit in the UK, where the Gloria Jones version had originally found its underground popularity in the Northern Soul scene.  It reached #8 in the US.



Next, the industrial/goth-y group Coil released a version of the song which was the first AIDS benefit music release and the video starred Marc Almond, the singer of Soft Cell. The video was banned for being weird or something.



According to Wikipedia, the song didn't really resurface until the 90s. Soft Cell did a remix in 1991, then a British a cappella group called The Flying Pickets who apparently had "radical socialist politics," covered the song in 92. Yeah. Here they are doing their thing in Croatia that same year:



Also in 92, the band Inspiral Carpets, who happen to be one of my favorite teen-angst bands, (see espcecially Two Worlds Collide) recorded the song which appeared on an NME 3-disc collection, Ruby Trax. How crazy is it that one of my favorite songs when I was 15 has "what have I done with my life" as its main lyric? Seriously, I was 15, what was I supposed to have done?



In Part 2 I'll pick up with David Benoit's 1994 cover and we'll go from there. Stay tuned, won't you?

She had her hair did. It was bound to fall.

My husband's playing a show at a place called "Howlers" while I sit at home listening to my iPod and drinking beer. Who's having a better time? 

Good question. Right now "Jackie" by Scott Walker via Jacques Brel is playing. If you haven't seen the literal cartoon interpretation of this then you need to go to it RIGHT NOW!

I've become a terrible blogger. I get bored with things so easily. Things like blogs. And my attention span is soooo short. Have you seen the pilot for Raising Hope? It's really funny. It won't last on the TV. It's too funny and smart.

I'm supposed to be pretending right now (writing) but it's not happening. Not fictionally, anyway.

Oh, yeah. I thought "Rill Rill" would be a good wedding song.

So. I was, hold on, let me find the message... "being used as a librarian against my will," earlier. Apparently that's what my new temp job's about. "Through December!" I'm the admin assistant for two faculty at the Graduate School of Public Health currently. Hoo fuckin' ray. At least I have some sort of job.

And they're paying me a ridiculous amount of $$$. I have a masters degree.

TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

GACK!

Jesus christos. I've been VERY absent from the internet since right before vacation. And I've loved it! I've been feeling very protective of my crazy lately and not sure if you deserve to share it.

Every once in a while I'll think I want to share with you then I think, "aw, fuck it." I'm still bitter and jealous and angry and anxious and slightly paranoid but with fewer panic attacks and more of a sense of propriety and boundaries. And it's destroying my blog!

Went to "Rehobo" (pretty sure I'm the only one who calls it this) Beach last week and had a lovely time. Okay, so I was pretty much my usual wreck of a self for most of the trip, especially the camping portion, but by Thursday I had started to calm down. Of course we were leaving on Friday. Figures. I think I only cried twice.

We camped one night at Cape Henelopen and were positively DEVOURED by mosquitoes! I had 12 bites on my back (and I was wearing a shirt!) 5 bites on my SKULL, 3 on my legs and only 1 on my arm. It was awful. Plus one on my big toe and one on my pinky. So we packed up the next day and got the fuck out of there.

As a tribute to my youth, I convinced Allen that we should get a room for one night at the EconoLodge.  

It was a treat. There were various stains on various things but it was awesome compared to camping. And the pool was quite pleasant.

The next two nights we spent at the Sands on the boardwalk. Another lovely pool.

I'll tell you a secret: We both peed in the pool at the Sands!  Naughty! And GROSS!

We got pretty drunk at the Dogfish Head Brewpub in town and on the way back we both got overly excited about a shop called "Downtown Cowgirl," imagining it was some crazy sexual position. We were standing in front of the shop giggling and taking pictures of the logo when this younger couple walked by and the woman said, "I think they're drunk!" Cue more giggling.

That's about all I have for you right now, I am, as Holly Golightly would say, just trying "to keep my hand in" at this point while I continue to work on reinventing my life. Maybe I'll move to the beach.

Cheers!

My favorite websites

I'm on the internet.  Like all day. \m/

http://jezebel.com/ and http://gawker.com/ (it's like watching The Daily Show to get all your news)
http://relentlesslyoptimistic.com/
http://www.thefader.com/category/music/
http://www.thisiswhyyourefat.com/
http://www.lookatthisfuckingperson.com/
http://catalogliving.net/
http://mst3k.wikia.com/wiki/Mystery_Science_Theater_3000_Wiki
http://www.alluc.org/tv-shows.html
http://c25k.com/ and http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml


and today's find:
http://1000awesomethings.com/
I thought it would be stupid but instead it's cute and true.

That Look is Precious.

Housewife Auditions

Teen Sex/Pregnancy is totally natural. Srsly. Think about it. Humans were made to reproduce soon after puberty and they were meant to be dead around 40. We have not evolved so much physically as we have in other ways. This explains a lot of issues, obesity, teen pregnancy, even mid-life crises. Because we aren't supposed to be that old! 
Our bodies go into survival mode because of our "diet mentality" and therefore hold onto fat as a defense mechanism, awaiting the next (mostly imaginary) famine. 


So. Those are some notes I found here that I apparently wrote a few days ago. I don't remember where I was going with either thought. Okay. That's a lie, I just don't feel like going on with them.

It's one of those days where I want to cry about everything and feel sorry for myself. Yeah, I have those days a lot. I think I need a non-traditional job. I think I want to be an organic farmer. Last week I wanted to be a book editor but NOT in New York cos I don't think you can afford to live there even if you have that job.

I need a career! I can't keep living like this! I wanted to be a nurse the week before but now it just seems like too much work to get there and then once you're there the hours are shitty. And I already owe like $90,000 in student loans. That is NOT an exaggeration. I end up owing $90,000 for what? So I can temp for the rest of my life? I know that I am never going to make a lot of money, probably never own a house, always be sad...

Gah. and meh. I don't want to be on TV but I might like working in TV. I want to write but I don't like to write on demand.

(One of the big HR people is in the office next door to me right now and I'm having a hard time restraining myself. I want to do terrible things to him as a symbol of my anger and frustration.)

I wish the economy and civilization would collapse. Maybe then I'd have a chance to be something/somebody. I don't know what that even means. I think I actually mean that I wish the economy and civilization would collapse so I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

My head is so screwed up with weird expectations of what's supposed to be. I wish I was a stupid person, I don't think these things would bother me as much if I were.

Honestly, what I want is a return to women being housewives. I don't care if it's unpopular. I want to be a housewife and to have a husband who can take care of me and provide for me and ignore me all at the same time. And not like "Desperate" or "Real," but like 1950s tv show. I might even tolerate having a child if I could get back to that way of life.

My Totalitarian Regime

1. Everyone will know how to ride a public bus and the rules of the public bus will make sense. You will not be allowed to block the aisle or the exit if there is an open seat and you will not block open seats by sprawling yourself across them and looking mean. You will always pay when you get on.
2. Shoveling your sidewalk after it snows is mandatory. (I wrote that one last winter.)
3. Turn signals are also mandatory.
4. Pedestrians will have the right of way but they will also move at an appropriate pace.
5. You will not ride your bike on the sidewalk. It's not a "sidebike." Those will be created, however.
6. You will dress appropriately for the event.
7. No adult will wear any article of clothing that has a cartoon character printed on it.
8. Plus-size ladies will not wear t-shirts with stupid animal images on them, don't buy them!
9. When free food is put out for you, you will not take so much that those coming behind you receive nothing. Everyone will have some.
10. Gluttony will be punishable by death.
11. You will never ask someone about what they're eating unless you are VERY close with them. Nor will you ever tell them that it smells good. WTF are you supposed to say to that? Especially when it's not something you made? "Why, thank you. I normally prefer to eat food that smells like sewage."
12. You will not talk simply to hear your own voice or to "make conversation."
13. I realize it's unpopular these days, but Eugenics will be enforced. Here's why: Human reproduction at this point in history is a selfish, bizarre experiment for your own ego. There are already more than enough people on this planet, go find one of them to take care of if you feel the need to do such a thing. Also, it will save us all a lot of time and money.
14. Humans will be made insusceptible to bribery.
15. You will clean up after yourselves and use garbage bins. Just because you're done with your fast food garbage doesn't mean you get to let it casually fall to the ground no matter where you are. Littering will also be punishable by death. 
16. Everyone will learn at least one foreign language fluently, including writing and reading.
17. Everyone will learn THEIR OWN language fluently, including the grammar bits.
18. No one will make excuses or try to transfer blame unnecessarily. No one wants to hear it.
19. You will stop "me-firsting" every situation in your life. Particularly while driving.
20. You will not be able to use your phone while driving because it will not work.
21. You will not talk about or believe in ANY religion. It makes you sound like a crazy person. 
22. You will fucking evolve.

"I'm your secretary"

I said, "I'm still outta here, fb, but I just HAVE to get out one more rant about PITT: Srsly, Pitt, I've applied for at least 25 jobs with you over 3 years, had about 6 or 7 interviews, devotedly temp for you and you STILL insist on REJECTING me at every turn!!! WTF!!! WHAT DOES IT TAKE??? I think I'm gonna go open a vein on the steps over at Craig."

And that was how I ended my facebook dependence.

My Pitt dependence, on the other hand, continues. I received another rejection letter yesterday.

Based on the reactions to the above confession (25 applications, no acceptance), it seems that it's beyond time for me to move on.

When I share it and say it out loud, it becomes quite obvious that I'm being used.

And looking back, there's been a lot of insincerity. A lot of "we'd like to keep you, but..." Somehow I'm just not one of them so they give me their sad, puppy dog pouts and then stab me in the back.

But what the fuck do you move on to in PGH? I don't know computers, medicine, or bridge repair. Maybe CMU?

Oh, and I need to take my masters degree OFF my resume, it's holding me back. And add my work philosophy: "Point me toward the internet and leave me alone. I'll see you in 8 hours."

MyLastFBStatus

MyLastFBStatus, originally uploaded by jenghola.

I just remembered I have a flickr account and posted the screen cap of my last status update. I'm writing a post about it as we speak.

Zaftig, Madame?

Trying to delete my facebook account. Not sure it's going to work. And if it does, not sure if anyone will notice. Who cares? If my mulitude of blogs are still in any way attached to fb I wonder if it will void the delete request? I don't understand why they make you go through a waiting period. And yes, this is to delete, not just deactivate. I don't like the pressure of fb and the way it makes me feel like an "unpopular" middle school student. I know that's stupid but I can't divorce those feelings from my experience of it. It just feels gross.  

I am having the worst time accepting what I've done to my body. It's like I have reverse anorexia. You know how anorexics are supposed to see themselves as fatter than they are? Well, I see myself as smaller than I am. Then I end up seeing a photo of myself taken by someone who didn't take into consideration angles or alerting fatty that she was about to have her picture taken, etc. It's not their fault, they didn't realize, it just made me miserable all day on Sunday and I still haven't completely recovered.

I can not just accept it and be all "fat power" or whatever. I'm not that type of person. It's awful and it's miserable being fat. I don't care what anyone says. This has been on my mind for a while now and I've found some serious encouragement from all the ladies (and some dudes) on Tumblr who are losing weight and writing about how difficult it is but also how positive. I don't know what it's actually going to take to make me do this thing but I'm trying again. I don't want to be super skinny, I don't even think that's possible for my body, I just don't want to be so lumpy. And I know I have to make peace with where I'm at if I actually want this to work... I've gotta figure this out. And stop eating around 2000 calories a day. Jeez.  I started C25K again, and successfully completed all of day two, so that's a very positive sign. It's the eating/drinking that I can't get a handle on.

So I'm currently trying to manage this blog and two Tumblr blogs. I don't know why. I'm not that popular (see above). I'm tired and I've been feeling very uncreative lately so none of these blogs are doing terribly well. I need to just take some time to do nothing and think about nothing but it's not happening. Like at work, I spend my whole day trying to find things to do online rather than work. Instead of desperately searching for new things (there are only about 3 new things a day on the internet) I should try sitting silently for a few minutes to focus myself.

Well, that's about all I have for now. This may be the beginning of the end of this blog since I think the few people who read it usually do so from the fb links (Allen's particularly; don't get me started, I know I have cooties, but come on!). It is still possible to follow me if you want to and it's still free as far as I know. RSS, bookmarks, actually follow and get your picture on the blog...

Unpopular girls everywhere would appreciate it. 

"Tiered Internet," indeed.