FOUR LOKO

Everybody's doing it so last night after consuming 3 Gulden Draaks at happy hour, I got it into my head that it was time to try Four Loko. This is what happened.

We left the bar and stopped by Brian and Cooper's to pick up some more libations and there it was, in six different flavors! SIX! And lovingly labeled on the door, "Four Luko $3.99." I found the typo so endearing for some reason. Because I was drunk, I guess. I was gasping excitedly at everything. It was still a good drunk at this point. (Just for the record, I would like to point out that our drinking companion, Mr. Hedges, in honor of the Loko, purchased his own can of Sparks.) I went with the UVA flavor (which is grape) and giddily purchased it from the unamused man behind the register.

We dropped Mr. Hedges off and I realized I couldn't bear to take this gorgeous can of goodness back to our lonely apartment, I needed people to see that I was actually going to drink this. We were in the neighborhood so I grabbed my phone and called Mike. Obviously I was already drunk because I CALLED someone. On the PHONE. I don't call people. Ever. I hate it. He was home so we stopped in and I ceremoniously opened the can. I meant to get pictures and then I got it into my head (because Allen said it) that I should be making a podcast about the experience but none of that happened. I did take notes, longhand:  

I can make sense of all of it until the last two lines, it looks like "(something) Punk comes on the TV and (something something)." These pages mostly contain what I just wrote about up top and apparently some quotes from the conversation that was going on in the room and notes about what was happening on the TV. I commented about drinking Four Loko from a glass makes it taste better, this is a fact. It does indeed "open it up." It tasted like the gel fluoride treatments they used to give kids at the dentist. A quarter of the way in and I was already feeling quite ill. At about the halfway point I was totally gone:

I think it says: I had 3 regular drunks then I had later a four loko.
Oh my god it's fucking awful
(illegible)
She's not gonna understand my sunglasses
Are you wearing gloves?
"It's cold out."
"I should've b(illegible), of the half."
Tell me about things that occurred in history
I don't know any history
Oh it's (illegible - could be November, not her, never her?).
Now this is not good.
I'm going to throw up.
Making that frowning question-mark face apes make.
Aw. This sucks.
Is really awful.
(Illegible) do you (illegible)!
(Illegible) not working

A couple things that I find intriguing here: 1) The comment "She's not gonna understand my sunglasses." There were no other women at the house so I don't know who I thought I was talking about. I did put sunglasses on before I went inside because I was already drunk so, really, I don't understand the sunglasses. Maybe I was referring to myself? 2) I don't recall that anyone was wearing gloves, so, hence the question I guess, and I don't know why I answered the question in quotation marks. Maybe someone was wearing gloves?

I just realized that the history thing was because Allen asked me to talk about history a la Drunk History from Funny or Die. I also just realized that I don't know if I wrote this page while I was still at Mike & Brad's or if I wrote it when I got home. I remember my notebook falling on the floor and Allen asking me if I wanted it shortly before I passed out. Cos that's how this ends, I passed out on the couch. I remember saying that he could leave it on the floor. No, I wrote this before I got home because I remember when it started to go downhill over there, I started to get quiet and then I remember I was making the ape face I commented about.  When I get REAL drunk, like, going to throw up drunk, I get real quiet beforehand, like I'm concentrating on not vom-ing. Which is what I was doing. Shortly after I stopped writing I remember getting up from the couch and saying "let's go" or something to Allen. I still had half a Four Loko left in the can. Sad.

But I didn't throw up. Almost threw up this morning while I was sitting in a room full of strangers doing training for something at work. But I didn't throw up.

Check out these links for more interesting Four Loko stories. I especially enjoyed the live blog Jason Chen wrote for Gizmodo yesterday.
A short piece by Frank Bruni in the NYTs.
The vomit video, sans vomit, of Felix Ortiz. He did 2.5 cans in ONE hour. Gross.