"If I ruled the world..."

WTF? Is SBD burning toast?

For those of you who don't know, SBD is our downstairs neighbor.  He's very quiet, hence, SBD.  Silent But Deadly.  Sometimes the downstairs hallway smells like farts.  He drinks cheap beer and mid-grade whiskey which I appreciate, but it can lead to stinky farts.  And he's less friendly than I am.  That says a lot.  With his weird flat mohawk and NOFX hoodie, and his Volvo with Massachusetts plates. 

(Today I ate half a donut and the leftover oily Chinese food from the night before.)  (And I stole a diet Coke from the work fridge.)  One day I'll be a wench but never a skinny bitch.  (Inside joke.)  (Then I'll go to Shampoo with you but we'll both be in drag so no one will know!) (More inside jokes.)

I wanted to write a post about all the things I'll do when I go back to Philly.  Maybe I'll still do that for next week. Mostly the things I want to do involve walking around, sitting in parks, and Chinese grocery stores. I really do miss that place like crazy. I'm going to cry now just thinking about it. Reading Terminal Market, that little park next to the Mutter Museum, the huge Asian market on 6th street that smells awful. Tofu hoagies from Fu-Wah, Clark Park, Washington Square, Fergie's, Monk's, Nodding Head, bagel sandwiches at Benna's, trips to Ocean City and LBI in the summer, Wawa! Hearing about how awesome Hammonton was for the gazillionth time...

And it seems Kung Fu Necktie isn't so bad... I want to come back so bad.  Nowhere else has ever felt so much like home. I even want that maniac who couldn't figure out how to get out of the Chinatown Wawa to come back into my life: "LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT!" That was the best. And I want to go to your art show, whoever you are (Bonsky?).  And I want Andrew to tattoo me everyday and I want to hang out and be social like I've never been before.  And I want to walk to the art museum and the hobo library and ride the el and have some guy try to sell me socks at the weirdest moments and I want to slip and fall into the LOVE Park fountain. I want people to get fevers from "swimming" in the fountain at Logan Squircle (yeah, I made that one up - squircle). Fuck. I want to go to Temple and be an undergrad taking mythology and Old English classes... My heart is breaking for what was and what I want the future to be... PLEASE!!! 

I want some fucking tater tot scramble from the Royal... I want Live 8 and Will Smith rehearsing and the backup dancers getting into a fist fight and Will Smith saying "only in Philadelphia" while Jeff looks sad and left behind on the turntables.  I want to giggle for no reason every time I walk past Ben Franklin's grave site, the same way I giggle when I walk by the African American Museum that's next to the federal pen and I wanna keep yelling "Lil' Kim" every time I walk past that prison whether she's in there or not.

Ugh.  I want to go home.  So much do I want this.