Office Space: An IRL Update

I just want to lay on the floor. Here, in my office. Just lay on the floor. It happens every afternoon. It's starting to be funny.

Everyone tells me they want Ed to make "afternoon" coffee. He made "afternoon" coffee for me once, in the morning. That means coffee that has alcohol in it. When he made me "afternoon" coffee he put Hennessey in it. Maybe they're telling me because I am Ed's new keeper so I have pull. I just want a pop. Soda, I mean.

This is the beginning (middle, now) of week 4 at my new assignment. It's one of the better ones. Ed doesn't want me to ever leave. That's very sweet of him. I'm just looking forward to being able to order office supplies.

I'm going to go see if they fixed the soda machines downstairs. They weren't taking dollar dollar bills last week. BRB.

They're fixed. Pepsi Throwback. If it was really a throwback it would be in a glass bottle with a metal cap and a Styrofoam label that you can peel off in strips. It's really hard to find a picture of...all I could find is this dirty Diet Pepsi bottle. That would be my personal version of a Pepsi throwback.

Once again I'm not going to have a Hallowe'en costume ready by Hallowe'en. The pieces I need are harder to come by than I expected. Plus I tend to put things off. That's the real problem. I did buy a mustache, tho.

In other news: I remain infinitely depressed by life and its circumstances. I seem to have given up on running (again), dieting, intuitively eating, and predict that I shall never again have health insurance. I presume I will be found one day, dead of unnatural causes and covered in stink bugs, still in Pittsburgh and still in the same shitty apartment in Squirrel Hill. But by then all of my neighbors will be Chinese. Just thought I'd throw that China bit in there. China is here.

In other (positive TMI) news: My household has gone from drinking 2-6 beers per night per person to 2-4 beers per week per person. Plus 1 to Constitution, Wisdom, Intelligence, etc. Congrats to us!  

"I'm your secretary"

I said, "I'm still outta here, fb, but I just HAVE to get out one more rant about PITT: Srsly, Pitt, I've applied for at least 25 jobs with you over 3 years, had about 6 or 7 interviews, devotedly temp for you and you STILL insist on REJECTING me at every turn!!! WTF!!! WHAT DOES IT TAKE??? I think I'm gonna go open a vein on the steps over at Craig."

And that was how I ended my facebook dependence.

My Pitt dependence, on the other hand, continues. I received another rejection letter yesterday.

Based on the reactions to the above confession (25 applications, no acceptance), it seems that it's beyond time for me to move on.

When I share it and say it out loud, it becomes quite obvious that I'm being used.

And looking back, there's been a lot of insincerity. A lot of "we'd like to keep you, but..." Somehow I'm just not one of them so they give me their sad, puppy dog pouts and then stab me in the back.

But what the fuck do you move on to in PGH? I don't know computers, medicine, or bridge repair. Maybe CMU?

Oh, and I need to take my masters degree OFF my resume, it's holding me back. And add my work philosophy: "Point me toward the internet and leave me alone. I'll see you in 8 hours."

Mass Confusion: An Apology

Beginning to reconsider my hasty decision to move back to Philadelphia. Yes, it's true. As lonely as it can feel here, I'm not sure I can handle the forced group hangouts of Philadelphia and the general stress that comes with living there.  Yeah, yeah, I know they're not mandatory but they kinda are. Six or less is a good number for most things, not 30. I see pictures on facebook (which I absolutely despise right now) of large groups in Philly and I start hyperventilating and hating myself. Actually, I see anything on fb and I start hating myself. It's a black hole. I would like to publicly apologize to Hot Dog for taunting him about not being there.

Philadelphia: Everything's convenient there, unlike here, but it's ugly. Real ugly. And now there's MegaBus so it costs like $5 to get from here to Philly in record time (compared to the train).

I'm too worried about finding a job and paying rent in Philly. I accumulated a lot of debt when I lived there and I don't want to deal with that again. There has to be another compromise. Something better than Pittsburgh or Philadelphia, I just don't know where it is. I'm wondering if I shouldn't stay here, take my nursing prereqs at CCAC, then decide on a nursing BSN program somewhere else in the country. CCAC is a lot cheaper than CCP but also less convenient...

I'm going to hate anything or anywhere right now because of my mental health combined with my lack of health care, so easier, if less convenient, might actually be better. I just don't want to get stuck here forever.

I wish I were less fickle and changeable in my nature. On an unrelated (or is it?) note I've become annoyed and embarrassed lately with the number of people who ask me what I do and/or what I'm into. Um, nothing? Does there have to be something? I don't go out and I have a shallow-at-best interest in a variety of things but no actual "hobbies." I don't "live," goddamn it, I do my best to survive. Especially when there's no therapy/medication except for alcohol.

Ugh, I have to stop writing about this. I hate crying at work.

So, in conclusion, I apologize if I prematurely excited Philadelphia folks. It's not 100% ruled out but it may be a while longer before we leave PGH (ack!). I do love Philadelphia but I don't think I love it enough to subject myself to its horrors right now.

 (I wish I could remove the tag but I don't have the capabilities)

"What's wrong with Pittsburgh?" AKA "I'm so sorry if I'm alienating some of you"

The ongoing saga of Gray v. Pittsburgh. 

Q. You know what is the best part of Pittsburgh? A. Neither does anyone else. 

People in Pittsburgh are very sensitive about their city being criticized.  So whenever I get the opportunity I like to criticize Pittsburgh.  I had no idea that if I Googled "I hate Pittsburgh" that I'd find so many like-minded people.  While a lot of the sites I found were sport-related, I also found a handsome number of non-sport related sites.  And before anyone asks the dumb-ass "Then why don't you leave?" question, please be aware that I am working on it and it's easier said than done (see below).  If you want to start a fund to help me move I'll appreciate it.  Treat me like Rush Limbaugh.  I'll actually go.       

This 38 page thread titled "Pittsburgh REALLY SUCKS" has had me laughing out loud at work for two days though most of it's written by fucking CRAZY people.  Believe it or not, I am working on the "If you can't say something nice" rule, so I'll mainly provide some highlights of what others have said about Pittsburgh:

"They are intolerant of others, impatient, know-it-all jerks."

"Pittsburghers are oddly arrogant and downright unfriendly. Anyone not from here is an outsider, and is treated like one. Ignorance is prevalent, and unfortunately even accepted. Pittsburgh is honestly the most racist, intolerable city I have ever even visited, and it's not hard to find a native who's had a few too many I.C. Lights to call you a name and pick a fight with you over nothing. Ask half of them if they have ever left (even on vacation) and many will say no, because they claim no need to.  It is really strange.  Many here have no desire but to live their entire lives here and never see nor care about anything else in the world.  Downright depressing and pathetic."

"I have never hated living somewhere so much in my life (and yes I've lived in several cities)
Everything about this place blows, the weather, the traffic, the parking (or lack there of), people are rude and obnoxious, worst drivers on earth, these weirdass roads make no sense with their 5-way intersections and random ass exits/entrances.
I can't find a job worth CRAP, and am sick of even trying to find one now.
I can't wait to get the heck out of here and am going to be miserable until I do. What a mistake coming here."

"Pittsburgh feels like a large trailer park where everyone is forced to wear yellow and black. It is easily the most irritating place that I have ever lived. "

And sadly, my biggest fear addressed: "Cut your losses and run from this place now! Western Pennsylvania is a vacuum. Most people who want to leave cannot, because their financial situation is perpetually bad. They can never get ahead, but they keep saying 'as soon as I get ahead, I'll get the hell out of here.' It never happens for them though, and they are stuck here forever.
GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN!"

And why do they still allow people to smoke inside at way more places than are necessary?  And why are there no street signs at intersections?  Why are there so many roads that suddenly don't have sidewalks?  What the fuck is wrong with the public transportation in this town?  Why don't you just have everyone pay when they get on like civilized cities do?  And what's with all these damn bugs?  Why does Rick Sebak's voice make me want to throw things at the TV?   

Recently I thought I had reached the acceptance stage in my grieving for someplace other than Pittsburgh.  Hopefully everyone reading this is educated enough to be familiar with the Kubler-Ross stages of grief, if not wiki that.  Unfortunately my acceptance was short-lived when Pitt fucked with me yet again and told me no, you are nothing but a temp and that's what you will always be to us.  This has sent me crashing back into stage 2: ANGER.  And here I sit.  Temping in anger.

I think my household as a whole has reached its threshold with how much Pittsburgh we can take so we are looking into other options.  While I would like to go "home" for a while, somewhere in the MD/DE/PA tri-state area, we are also considering New Orleans.  If you have suggestions on places to live in other states I'm open to hearing about them.  At least one of us has to have a full-time job and we like to pay no more than 20-25% of our income in rent but don't want to live with other people to make that happen... Crazy, I know.